Missing Mom...

The prayer service is over, the funeral is over and we only have the cemetery service left, which is tomorrow. We've said our good-byes and in comparison to everything, that is probably the easiest part of this whole thing. It's the everyday living without Mom - that's the hard thing.

She knows where everything is, she wouldn't ever miss a birthday (in all the busyness we missed Thad's birthday), would settle every disagreement, would be there to talk to . . . and the list goes on. Life still goes on, but it is not the same as it ever was - and it won't be ever.

Mom - we love you and know that you are, as they say, "in a better place", but we miss you soooo much here!

At Mom's funeral Jenna read Mom's 25 Random Things that Mom had written on her facebook page . . . I just thought I'd write it here too - just to remember things that Mom loved.

"25 Random Things About Me"

Tuesday, February 17, 2009 at 8:54am

1. I love being the Gramma of 7 incredible grandchildren... they're all more wonderful than any of yours could ever hope to be... sad, but that's your loss...

2. I love being a Mom - best career choice I ever made... how could anyone be so lucky to have 5 incredibly wonderful children on top of the marvellous grandchildren???

3. I love being a Mother-in-law... but sometimes it's just too easy, right? Being the mother-in-law of 3 incredibly gifted, talented and creative daughters-in-law is a rare gift...

4. I love our church - can't believe how good God was in finding us this place... St. Mary's Anglican - how much better can it get?

5. I love Saskatchewan - I love our life here, our friends here, the space we've created... it's all so very, very good.

6. I love being in a book club and reading - a cold night, warm fire and good book make for great company!

7. I love having coffee with friends... it's one of my most favourite past times!

8. I love music - it's calming, soothing and inspiring all at the same time.

9. I love talking with my kids - they're all incredibly brillliant and I learn much from each of them.

10. I love my husband - after 35 years he still surprises me by how much he loves me back!

11. I'm on chemotherapy right now... boy, is that ever an interesting experience!!

12. I'm on disability because I'm on chemotherapy - taking time off from work was a terribly difficult decision to make, but I think it was a good one - but I sure miss my co-workers!

13. I'm having a port put in on Friday (Feb 20/09) so chemo is easier (small little gadget surgically implanted just opposite my heart) - now they won't have to fight over who has to put my IV in each tme I go for chemo... smile

14. I love the movie "Lars and the Real Girl"... makes me think this is what life will be like when one day, everything is set right.

15. I'd like to take a trip to the East Coast sometime this year... I hear it's fabulous there in the fall!

16. We're hoping to have a family vacation this summer if I can find enough cabins to accommodate the 18 of us!

17. I love being able to retain long distance friendships... it is a good friend who will stick with you when you continue to move miles further and further apart... I'm blessed to have several of these!

18. I love learning - if I could, I'd go back to school fulltime in a heartbeat! I love the research, the papers, the testing of knowledge - I love it all!

19. I like to bake bread. I'm not good at it, but I like to do it.

20. I love to eat out - don't do it very often, but I sure like it when I can!

21. I love my new house - yet another gift from God...

22. I'm actually very timid around people I don't know - I turn into a reserved wall flower until I feel comfortable enough to open up.

23. I like to listen to people and their stories - it's amazing what you can learn when you simply listen...

24. I love to grow - 2008 has been a year of growth for me - it's been one of the hardest years of my life, but also one of the best... growth rarely comes easily, but the results are well worth the struggle...

25. I love quotes - my favorite one so far this year is that "expectations are premeditated resentments"... Anne Lamott, "Blue Shoe"... so I'm trying to live free of expectations in 2009!

We love you Mom! We love you Gramma!

Mother's Day, 2009

I'd been procrastinating on writing this email because it seems that if I write it then it is real . . . but I guess the reality is that it is real. Too real.

As most of you probably know, Braden's mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year. We had a lot of God gifts during this time, too many to write about, which meant that she was doing really well. Just before Mother's Day she was diagnosed with another cancer - ovarian - and had surgery to remove it. After this she had some bowel obstructions due to past surgeries and needed to have fluid drained, etc and was in the hospital these last couple of weeks, off and on. She's been on chemotheraphy and doing quite well on it until this last time after her latest surgery.

On Friday, June 12, 2009 Braden got a phone call from mom saying that the doctor's have told her that she had about 5 months left. This was a huge shock to us and very hard to digest. Then on Monday (3 days later) we got another phone call - the doctor's said that mom was in critical condition and the kids should come home. We booked flights to come home on Wednesday morning. Then we got another phone call - come home right now, so we got a flight and left the next day (Tuesday), arriving in at 10am. By the time we got to the hospital Mom wasn't moving, eyes closed and looking very peaceful. When Braden came into the room she opened her eyes and gave him a big hug. The kids and I then came and she moved a bit when we were there. Dustin and Rhonda (Braden's younger brother) drove in from St. Louis at around 3:30pm and Mom again has saved her energy to give her son a huge hug.

Dad and the siblings all spent the night at the hospital and the next day the church found childcare for us so that Rhonda and I could spend Wednesday at the hospital with the family. The day was spent in her room singing, telling stories, laughing, crying and reading a book to her that she loved, "The Shack". At 1:30am on Thursday morning, June 18, 2009, while Jesse was only 3 pages from the end of the book, Mom took her last breath and peacefully went to be with Jesus. We sang "The Doxology" and prayed (and cried and cried and cried), but we knew that she was now with her Jesus. Then, Jesse sat down and we finished the last 3 pages . . . Mom would never leave a book unfinished.

This has been the hardest thing that we've ever gone through - she was only 52 years old and it happened so fast - so unexpectedly. To say that she will be missed is so "typical", but life will not be the same without her and right now we don't really know how to do it without her. Yet, though it all we know that she is in heaven having a blast and cheering us on. We love you Mom - or as Navia would say to you "I love you Gramma in my heart".

As she would say, "“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well…" Julian of Norwich

a tradition for Gramma and Grampa - McDonald's every visit!

Mom and Dad in the "old days"

The crazy Bailey family - Mom loved this picture

Praise You in This Storm
Casting Crowns

"I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth"

New Project - Purse

On Thursday night Braden was working late (again) and so I decided to make myself a purse . . . and I LOVE IT!!! This is the first one that I've done that I've really fallen in love with - the material with the little birds hidden, the contrasting white material - the feel - everything - I LOVE IT!!! The only problem is that it doesn't go with all my outfits so now I'm going to have to make a few more to match other outfits - hehehe!

I found the basic pattern online, but then changed the pleats, the way they did it, the size and the pockets - yep, I guess I kinda made a whole other pattern - but I love it!

inside pockets - divided into two

Our Saturday (in pictures)

Hog's Back Falls - the name isn't all that attractive, but the Falls in the middle of the city are kinda cool - and the kids LOVE it!!!

A picnic, food chosen by Kaleb of course!

Eating cherries and grapes with daddy.

The first time doing the tree - Navia isn't quite so happy about it right now.

Emma and Daddy had a race up the tree . . . until I said "STOP!!!" 

They would have kept climbing if I didn't say it!

Kaleb's turn climbing with Daddy.

Even Navia needed a turn!

Our Saturday (in pictures) - Pt 2

Then it was onto the the falls - okay, the bottom of them were we could walk around and hang out (hopefully without getting too wet!!!)

Don't fall!!!

Awww!

Kaleb was starting to get adventurous and blazing his own trails in the river.

Navia, trying to follow everything Kaleb does, has realized that she's "just little" and "can't do it!"

Tadpoles!!!

Someone is loving the adventure :)

Navia took a pic of the "cool" family

Our crazy family

This reminds me of pictures taken of all the kids back when they were little in the backpack.

and now back to the van and off to a BBQ hosted by a MYC family for the entire class and family!

Can you guess what this is???

Answer....

Braden and I were cleaning the garage out and when we came inside the house I noticed that there was a tupperware container of 6 chocolate, iced cupcakes missing.  I went upstairs and was slowly directed to Kaleb's room.  This was the location of the chocolate cupcake war.  There was smushed chocolate cupcake, pink icing and blue icing all over the carpet, hidden under the bed, ON THE WALLS and ON THE CEILING!!!  Yep - it was everywhere!!!  It took me 1.5 hrs to clean it all up and needless to say the kids went straight to bed after that.  So, beware of sweet little innocent brown eyes staring up at your from a little girl and little boy . . . they are deceptive!!!